I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
