i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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