I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
