My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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