Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
