At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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