Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
