is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
