Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
