you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
