My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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