i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
