he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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