I'm jealous of your bromance
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
