My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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