Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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