**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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