The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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