Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
