oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
