And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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