i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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