I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
