I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
