yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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