Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
