I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
