Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
