he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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