I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
