The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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