4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
