my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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