A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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