dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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