bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
