Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
