im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
