there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
