fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
