when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
