I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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