Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
