I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
