You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
