Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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