I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
