Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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