the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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