And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
