Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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