so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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