I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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