You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
