i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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