Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
