I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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