If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
