Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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