i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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