Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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