I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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