Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The air was thick with penises
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
