You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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