And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize