not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
