oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
