I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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