fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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