thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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