I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
