I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize