Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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