The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
