My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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