We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
