i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
