I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i was born a porn star she said
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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