put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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