i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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