fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
FUCK WHALES
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
