I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
