Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
