Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He told me they were just razor bumps!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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