"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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