I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
