if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
