he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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