i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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