Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize