we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
this hospital has no fireball
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
