i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
false alarm, still single
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
