I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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