She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Text me some of your sweat
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
