so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
