So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My liver just had a heart attack.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
