I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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